uhm hm, this old blog still exists.
this one is happier.
LOL srslyyy I get so offended when someone says something bad about our country yaoo korean pride.
This has become my rant blog because I don’t want to ruin the pleasantness of my new one, which is filled with pretty, flowery words describing the unstable, dark nature of my mind. Anyways. (If you’re curious, it’s peeled-onion.tumblr.com)
So I can’t help being depressed about the fact that I’ve been living the wrong life. I wish I had appreciated art, music, and literature earlier in my life. I’ve always taken them for granted. I can’t help thinking that if I had really practiced violin/piano a lot, I could’ve been somewhere right now. My teachers always told me when I was little that I could even major in violin. I always laughed at the thought. I remember I was prepping for Juliard when I was 11 but I gave up because I decided that it was too hard and I wasn’t going to go into music.They said it was such a waste, for me to not practice and just treat it as a light hobby. And they’re right. I did take my talent for granted. That’s why I am where I am today. I wish I had practiced. I miss all the concerts. I miss all the recitals. I miss the sounds of people clapping for me. I remember when I played a Beethoven piece at Carnegie Hall. Carnegie Hall! It was just a recital, I don’t exactly remember why I played there; I was in 6th grade. But I was better in 6th grade than I am now and that depresses me a lot. Just think about it. I could’ve been going somewhere right now. I could’ve been confident in my dreams and goals. But no, I’m just a mess. Sigh.
And then I remember when my dad made me take a creative writing class in 7th grade; that was when I actually had creativity and a working brain. But I took that for granted as well.
Art…..the extent of my art abilities is drawing fashion designs now. I wish I had stuck with it.
I don’t know. I don’t know where I’m going with my life. I don’t like math; I guess I like chemistry though. Physics is fun.
It blows my mind that I will have taken 3 years of Chemistry by the end of High school. That’s a lot. People are probably gonna think I wanna be a pharmacist or something. I wouldn’t mind being a pharmacist. But I really rather not. I’m afraid I’m going to kill everyone because I’m so incompetent.
I love history though. Not like being in a class and learning about the American revolution or anything like that. I love looking into all the theories, uncertainties, corruption, and ect. I love foreign relations, political science, ect. But I would never want to be a politician, I decided. I considered it after going to the UN assembly and to Ukraine, but my views on politicians are very cynical. I just think that they’re all corrupt. Not all. Most of them.
So yeah. I’m all over the place. And so is this post. Very incoherent.
I don’t know.
I have to go study for math if I don’t want to fail.
lol what the?